1Bicket.

Hello. its me again.

and is it a full moon already? i dont know.

hahaha. but oh what the heck, i think my eniire system is out of whack.

and i guess when you see me here, youd think id have something wrong to say.

Well. i guess i do.

Now.

======================

me being so useless is very taxing.

no, not for me. i dont care about me. im talking about the people around me. im sure me not being able to do anything is very irritating, it being very ineffecient, and very unusable. i dont mind if you tell me off, and i dont mind if you dont give a shit. its just like the movies, where they come about face. and im just sitting here making myself all worked up. why? because i have reason to believe its getting hard for you. i dont know, i really dont know what you think when you look into eyes. i am insecure in a way that makes my heart tingle with a excitement that the future might actually be catching up with me, that my blessings are finally numerated, numbered and finite. its nice that youre nice to me, making me feel as if i can actually make something/someone feel good/better when something so wrong is happening, even though i am not even in the loop and find out when its way too late. i think you would probably find it sickening for me to just look at you. maybe. allergic to me.

open fire.

haha. its interesting how what i expect, would turn out that way, even though what i expect would generally swing towards something that wouldnt make it... and upcurve. please do dismiss this as some awful rambling of a tired mind, but i dont know what id do if i wasnt doing this. id just probably tear myself apart tonight and put myself back together when the sun rises. what? Patchwork Zombie? Maybe. Clockwork, of course. its nice the way youre so nice to me that i actually percieve myself as being able to help sometimes. but when it comes to call, and the day has ended, i think back. And i guess, i am foolish once again.

let none live.

state your reason for cushioning my fall. do you need a reason? dont. let me fall, let me crash, let me burn. be unsympathetic. be careless. be a worst nightmare. at least i know that something works, or something doesnt. if you dont like it, tell me. do not sugar coat it. do not care about me. do not give a shit. i dont know. please tell me. please get all mad and tell me that i pester you. please. stick my head into an enema, for all i care. but then, i dont care. i dont. because i dont know, and im stupid enough.

give thanks.

its been a great time, and i guess people would normally wonder if there was such a thing as a honey-moon period. but what i feel, is that people can only take so much of me. Is Your Limit Coming? let me know when it is. at least, its some sort of affirmation. a confirmation that the future is catching up to me. and then i am screaming into my own ears from inside. cannonball walking through my intestines and ripping my heart like heartburn on a shopping spree. Cough me. i dont know any more. i dont know any more. i guess i dont really have a concrete example that i can use on myself to make me still, and/or keep my mouth shut anymore.

insert template here.

its getting late. and im getting all crazy wondering what the fuck i am.
this is not saving grace.

i dont have any, at the moment.

=Ass.=
not you. Me. not you. Us.

i am too weak.
i am too weird.
i am too useless.
i am too much of a loser.
i am too predictable.
i am too soft.
i am too lousy.

i cant do this alone anymore.

im sorry im not what you want.

dont force yourself to do anything.
dont force yourself.

im not going to hurt you anymore.

i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.

i dont want to do this alone.
but i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.
i dont know anymore.


i need you more than you know.
and im under the ground.

i miss you.
and thinking of you makes me think more.
that im all messed up, and cant do no shit about it.




save me.